


Animate Me

by Chaotic_Beautiful



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, F/M, Hamilton AU, I really have no clue how to tag you guys, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Please just read, animation AU, different pairings, it's cute I swear, it's sort of cute, lots of freaking Lams, there's all kinds of match ups, they're all writing a TV show together, this is a weird AU idea I had
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-07-04 11:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15840531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaotic_Beautiful/pseuds/Chaotic_Beautiful
Summary: John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton are the founders of one of the most up and coming new cartoon shows; John does all the art and animation, while Alex writes the story and dialogue. Their friends Lafayette and Hercules help with the character voices, while Aaron manages their work and publicity. When their new contracted network asks them to take on more work and story lines, they're forced to hire on some extra employees.





	1. Broken Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not even really sure where this AU idea came from. I was sitting at work and just sort of thought that it would be cute if Alex and John wrote a cartoon show together where John was the artist and Alex was the writer. Somehow, this mess came to be. I'm planning on this to be about 4-5 chapters, maybe closer to 2-3 if I get carried away with the word count... which sometimes happens.
> 
> First of all, I have no clue how the actual animation/show writing process works. I've done some research and some looking but that's the extent of it, so I apologize if none of this is accurate. Just read it to enjoy the story, ya dig? Secondly, there are A LOT more pairings in this story than my one shot XD dear god help me keep track of them. And third, I have a lot of weird ideas of the AU Hamil-Squad and it all changes day to day. Some days I think Peggy would be great with Laff and Herc, others she's with James and Jefferson. Sometimes she's a flaming ace who has no shits to give about her crazy family. Angelica is somewhere between het and ace in my head, in this fic she's engaged and het. Most of the time I like to think of Laff as non binary or agender (both words I am still fully learning so please be patient with the grossly female author who doesn't always know best) and generally he's got poly tendencies with Herc and someone else. Thomas flirts with everything, he's a raging Pansexual (sort of like me!) and James is happily gay for him. Herc, Eliza, and Alex are bi, and John is just gay- is straight gay a over done oxymoron or is okay to use that?
> 
> The point of that rambling paragraph is I don't ever like to settle on one idea for these AUs, so please forgive me if they change from story to story, because every AU has different ideas for what I need. Also be patient with me if I mess up some things, because as I said I am boringly female and pan, so I'm not always 100% fluent in other ideas, but I love those ideas and try to incorporate them to my writing. Just be patient with me in general because I am a HOT mess, y'all.
> 
> There are a few warnings, I mention some things from John and Alex's past, and they might be trigger-ish? so be warned please! I also may put some heavier petting in this story but I don't know yet so look for updates with the chapters. Probably gonna royally screw this all up at some point, but this idea and my one other College AU won't leave me alone so I'm gonna write and post them so get them out of my head. Please leave comments for me :3 I'm a comment whore like you wouldn't believe.
> 
> I think that's it... first chapter is mid length for me, another should go up tomorrow or Friday, depends on work. hope someone enjoys this!

The idea started while Alex and John were finishing their respective degrees. John was finishing his BA in Art and Design, while Alex was wrapping up his double major in Journalism and Creative Writing (John so fondly called him a “dirty overachiever”). Both were only one exam away from diplomas when a night of drinking (and very little actual studying) led to a round of dumb questions. Eventually, these dumb questions led to Alexander wondering if monsters had their own paranormal foster and adoption system, to make sure that certain species didn’t end up adopting the wrong kind- “You couldn’t have an aquatic monster adopting someone who couldn’t breathe under water, John, c’mon!” -which led to a debate on the idea of paranormal foster system. Soon, John and Alex were writing up character profiles, with John making character design pages, and  _ Foster Scary _ was born. John drew and designed all the characters, scenes and background, while Alex wrote all the episodes, dialogue and storyline. The two roommates soon had an entire world, fictional family, and pilot episode for their show idea. They asked Alex’s adoptive father for a loan when they moved out of their dorm, and the rest was history.

With the loan from George Washington, John and ALex rented a small work studio and bought the equipment they needed to start animating and recording. They then invited their friends Hercules- an Acting major with a knack for doing fun voices -and Lafayette- a French student who had majored in Performing Arts and was very good (ironically) at different accents -to help them voice the characters. Soon, the pilot episode was complete, ready for a viewing and brimming with the small team’s hard work. John had poured hours into the animation, the editing and the scenes, while Alex hadn’t slept for nearly four days trying to perfect the dialogue and world they’d built. Their first episode was all about their main character, a fourteen year old named Foster, who is accidentally put into the Paranormal Foster System, because of his last name: “Scary”. He is brought to live with the mixed-monster Dusk family, and decides he wants to stay with them and try to navigate the paranormal world.

The pilot included a lot of fun scenes, including the oldest, adopted, Dusk child- a werewolf named Lyle who befriends Foster -trying to dress Foster up like a monster. They submitted it to a small, local, TV station, and were signed on for eight episodes. After the first three they were signed on for an entire fifteen episode season of the show. For that first year the show got rave reviews and they had a new episode every other week. By the time the season finale was approaching, the team had hired on Aaron Burr as a manager and been signed for two more seasons with the same TV Station as well as contracted to stream on Netflix. They couldn’t have asked for more success for a small kids show, and having Aaron on the team helped immensely. Alex said the man had been more than a little indecisive when they were in High School together, but now- after finishing college and marrying his high school sweetheart, Theodosia -he seemed to make him just the right amount of assertive.

This point was proven when the group came back from their “vacation” between season 1 finale and the first episode of season 2.

“Burr, there is no reason to add more characters to the show!” John sighed as Aron and Alex bickered over the lastest request. The team had recently agreed to sign a contract with a second TV station, wanting to add more episodes to the season and stream them once a week instead of every other. It was doable, but they’d be working twice as hard. And on top of everything else, the new station was also pressuring them to add a love interest for Foster.” Not to mention that we shouldn’t have to introduce a love interest just because they’re high school age. Do you know how unrealistic that is? Jesus, I didn’t have my first boyfriend until second year in college!”

“Charles Lee, I still don’t forgive you for dating that ass, John,” Alex said, his joke flat and his shoulders tense. John gave his best friend a soft look but turned as Aaron spoke up.

“Oh off the joint soap box, you two,” Aaron said with an eye roll,” The network wants to bring in more viewers, and we all know relationships are the easiest way to do that.”

“Yeah and how are we supposed to explain to the ‘the network’ that Foster’s sexuality was never actually agreed upon?” Alex cut in, always ready for a debate.” When we originally planned the show-”

“Drunk and in your dorm room!” Aaron cut in to remind the dark haired man.

“- we couldn’t agree on what sort of person he’d be attracted to,” Alex continued talking and John had to hide a fond smile. Aaron sighed, leaning back against John’s desk, ready for his friend to continue on to a rant.” I thought he should be pansexual, maybe even with some polygamous tendencies, but John thought he should be gay or asexual. We decided to leave it open so Foster could decide for himself. Now we’re being forced to pick?”

“Alexander no one is forcing anything,” Aaron said around a sigh,” But think of how much good your show has already done! Netflix had their contract for streaming two nights after your season finale, and had started talking to you guys before that at episode eight. Foster care programs are already sending in letters to get presale information on the box sets. Children therapy groups have also started using the episodes to help patients. Think about how much more you could help if Foster had a love interest! What if Foster had feelings for a monster? Or another human? Hell make the love interest a monster  _ without  _ a gender! That would really shake things up, huh?”

“That… is actually not a bad idea,” John cut in, his eyes suddenly lit up with inspiration. He grabbed for his sketchbook and a pencil, starting to draw. Soon, the page was filled with a monster who had grey skin, tiny devil horns, and medium length hair. He turned the page towards Alex, leaning close to his friend so he could he could see.” What if we had a monster race that didn’t recognize gender? They would respond to ‘they’ or ‘them’ like someone who is non-binary or agender. Clothes could be sort of unisex, really fun and avant garde; everyone in kilts and lots of fishnet… I’m thinking rainbows, maybe a few black-grey-green stripes to nod at the agender flag?”

“It would be a pretty great nod to the non-binary movement…” Alex commented softly, his hand moving to touch John’s sketch before patting his friend’s hand.” Plus, you know Laff would jump at the chance to play a character that was like them. They’d probably use their French accent and everything. This is… this is really genius, Jack.”

“John used my idea to draw a picture, and he’s genius… I propose the idea and I’m demanding,” Aaron said rolling his eyes again. Alex, very maturely, stuck his tongue out at his friend.” Well, I can’t complain too much, it did bring about a resolution. Now, to the next issue on the table: I contacted the Schuyler sisters again-”

“We don’t need more people Burr!” Alex cut in before their friend could even begin to speak. Burr didn’t even move this time, watching his friend turn back to being exasperated and aggravated.” Peggy was great helping John for the season finale; Angelica was amazing at directing my words; Eliza was fantastic doing voice with Herc and Laff. But it’s not a full time-”

“If I could stop this debate before it starts, I agree with Burr,” John said, cutting his friend’s rant off. The dark haired writer gave an overly dramatic gasp and Aaron laughed- a bit triumphantly.” Sorry! But Peggy is like the only person I trust with my characters! And we need the help, Alex! An episode a week with a skeleton crew isn’t going to work… we need more hands. And while you think you can live on coffee and Microsoft word, you can’t, so we need help.”

“Funny you should mention that John,” Aaron said sheepishly,” But I actually have two friends coming in to talk with us. My friend James Madison is an expert in backgrounds and color work, he graduated a year ahead of you two. And my friend Thomas-”

“No, no, no,  _ hell  _ no!” Alex’s voice cut through their conversation. John glanced up, very used to the constant cut offs when Alex was talking. Luckily, before Alex could get too far, or John could ask what the big deal was, the studio door opened.

“ _ Bonjour mes amis _ !” Lafayette and Hercules breezed into the studio. Laff paused when they caught sight of the tense looking scene before them, and turned back towards their boyfriend with a grimace.” We seem to have walked into a debate,  _ mon amour _ .”

“What else is new?” Herc snickered. He started passing out the normal morning drinks- coffee mostly, but in John’s case tea -and paused to glance at the new sketch John had made.” Cool new character. What are they fighting about this morning?”

“Burr wants to hire Thomas-fucking-Jefferson to help us,” Alex seethed. While Herc just rolled his eyes, Laff’s eyes sparkled and they started to speak happily in French.” No way Laff! I love you but your cousin is an ass!”

“Um, for the guy who went to high school in South Carolina,” John said with an exasperated smile,” Who is Thomas Jefferson?”

“My cousin Thomas!” Laff said, finally falling back into English.”He went to high school with all of us, and was on debate with Alexander! He’s a fantastic artist and writer, he did some work on Monster High and Troll Hunters, but he did not like the stories. He has told me that he loves Alex’s writing, but I did not know he wanted to help!”

“Thomas Jefferson is a self righteous prick and an insufferable know-it-all!” Alex corrected. The Caribbean boy’s eyes were burning and John suddenly felt the butterflies that always took flight when that expression was on his best friend’s face. He missed the beginning part of his friend’s rant because of his distraction.” -and he’s never worked well with others!”

“He’s never worked well with you, Alex,” Burr said bringing all the eyes back on him.” Look, Thomas, James, and the Schuylers are going to be here in a few hours. We’re all going to have lunch and talk about the new season, and hopefully we end the afternoon with five new members to our team. Whether you want to admit it or not, we need help, and these are the best prospects we have for that help. Agreed?”

“Not really but I don’t have a choice do I?” Alex said while the others laughed and nodded their agreement.

* * *

 

John didn’t think it was possible for someone to argue with Alex more than Burr, but he was wrong. Within the first twenty minutes of Thomas Jefferson being in their studio, he and Alexander had already argued about the weather- was it cloudy or just a bit overcast? -the food Burr had ordered- deli sandwiches -and how things had been since they’d last seen one another- “Still haven’t gained any fashion sense, huh, Hamilton?”. John watched in amusement as Alex and Thomas spoke over the table, while everyone else around them acted normal.

“This is what I missed out on in high school?” John asked Hercules as Alex and Thomas began to bicker over something that happened before John had met them.

“Pretty much, just more people, and in the cafeteria,” Herc said around a grin. John chuckled, deciding that he’d heard enough arguing for now. He moved to sit beside Alex, reaching out to yank the slightly shorter man back to sit down.

“Lex, pipe down and eat or I’m gonna start telling Thomas about that time you decided drinking seven Five Hour Energy drinks within two hours was a good idea,” John said pointedly. Alex calmed, whether it was because of John’s presence or because of the threat was anyone's guess, but Thomas looked intrigued all the same.” Hi, I’m John Laurens, I don’t think we got to really meet over all the fighting. You look a lot like Laff, I can see the family resemblance.  _ Parlez-vous français aussi? (Do you speak French too?) _ ”

“ _ Eh bien, Hamilton, où as-tu caché cette pièce suave? (Well damn, Hamilton, where have you been hiding this suave piece?) _ ” Thomas returned with a wide grin. The man did look quite a bit like Lafayette, both had dark mixed skin tones, bright brown eyes, and cray curly hair- though Laff kept his tied back or braided while Jefferson seemed to enjoy letting it be wild around his face. John glanced over at Alex, who was disgruntledly chewing his food, and he smiled. He reached over and patted his friend’s hand, the Caribbean man softening at the touch.” Ah, boyfriend then?”

“Nah, he’d be so lucky,” John managed to joke, his face suddenly bright red. John might have had a terrible crush on Alex since they became roommates, Freshman year, but he would never admit it. Alex didn’t need his baggage, and while his best friend knew most of it he didn’t deserve it in his life like that.” We’re roommates, and he’s my best friend. Mostly because no one else would put up with him for this long.”

“Oh I like this one! Jemmy, come say hello to my new friend, Laurens!” Thomas laughed, waving his boyfriend over from where he’d been talking to Aaron. As James came over and started talking, Alex was being oddly quiet, and John glanced up only to find the man’s brown eyes studying him. When he furrowed his eyebrows curiously, Alex shook his head, but his eyes were oddly shy.” So, Burr, I’d say this is all going swimmingly! I think we should agree to this alliance and make it official.”

“I think everyone here would be a good team,” Alex piped up, much to everyone’s surprise.” Even if Jefferson is still an insufferable asshole.”

“And with that I think we should take this party somewhere else,” Angelica piped up. The oldest Schuyler sister gave Alex a knowing look. The non-stop writer didn’t dare speak up against the- admittedly scary -oldest sister.” I think we should go gets some drinks, what do you guys think?”

“I say booze makes everything better,  _ ma beauté _ ,” Jefferson flirted with a grin. Angelica rolled her eyes and flashed the man her hand, where a large engagement ring sat.”  _ Tout ce qui me dit que tu es encore plus jolie que les diamants, belle. (All that tells me is you're even prettier than diamonds, beautiful.) _ But I do agree with the idea of drinks. I helped a friend open a new club downtown, say we all meet there around seven? It takes time for me to doll up, we can’t all be as beautiful as you, Angelica.”

“And I’m starting to agree with Alexander, which means I really need booze,” Peggy piped up from her place snuggled between Laff and Herc. The youngest sister had bonded with the couple while helping out, and John had a sneaking suspicion that Laff and Herc were thinking of asking her to be a part of their weird relationship.

“Let’s all go get ready then, instead of chit chatting so much!” Eliza, the final and middle sister, piped up.” Thomas, text me the details of the club, I know you still have my number from when I did that voice cameo on  _ Monster High _ . Girls, let’s go!"

* * *

The club Thomas told them to meet at was loud; John nursed his second beer while watching his friends at their table and the dance floor. Laff and Herc had been dancing with Peggy all night, the girl fitting snugly between them on the dance floor; Thomas and James had been mingling, but did not let go of one another’s hand the entire time; even Burr was enjoying himself, talking with Angelica about the show and how his wife was expecting their first child. What really had John a little grey was the fact that Alex hadn’t been talking to him since they arrived, and was instead dancing with a pretty brunette he’d run into as soon as they arrived. John vaguely remembered the girl from their college years- he thought her name was Maria, but couldn’t see past his jealous haze to fully remember -and she was pretty… like all the girls and guys who spoke to Alex.

“Aha, mooning over your boyfriend?” Eliza appeared beside John, her own drink mostly untouched.

“Not my boyfriend Eliza…”

“But you wish he was,” The dark haired Schuyler clarified. John sighed, swigging back the last of his drink and waving for another.” You know you could just tell him, Johnny…”

“I hope you appreciate you’re literally one of two people I allow to give me nicknames,” John said, ignoring her (true) words.

“And Alex is the other one, so you must love us both,” Eliza said, her wit never ending. John wanted to snap at her, tell her she was out of line and wrong, but the middle sister meant well. And John was in love with Alex… he just couldn’t find it in himself to burden his best friend with those feelings, when they probably weren’t returned.” I don’t get you, John! You and Alex are basically a couple, you live together, you finish each other’s sentences, you click-”

“Eliza, I know we clicked when you helped last month, and you know some things about me, but not all of it,” John cut in before Eliza could get much further. He glared at his new drink, not really wanting to get into his skeletons, but knowing that she should know to understand what he meant.” My dad was an abusive asshole, and after my mom died he sent me to a Christian conversion camp… tried to heal the gay out of me or whatever. That went on for years, before I transferred up here for school and cut him out of my life. Two out of the three siblings I have no longer talk to me because of it, and my sister only does because she’s bi and moved out at 17 too. This is all just the tip of my fucked up iceberg of a life, okay?” He turned to see Eliza’s eyes wide and scared, and for a moment he felt bad. But he trucked on, not wanting to lose his steam until he was done.” What I mean by all of this, is that’s more than I can take most days… but I do it. I would never wish that upon anyone, especially not someone as amazing as Alex.”

“John, Alex has been through a lot too-”

“Alex was a bystander of some really unfortunate things, but none were his fault,” John cut in again. He felt tears prickling at his eyes and he closed them for a long moment to not let them fall.” His mother was wonderful, but she got sick and died. His brother was washed away by the same hurricane that took his town. Once he came here, the Washington’s made up for all that, and then some. He was dealt a bad hand but he got a chance to Mulligan, I lived through mine and came out in the negative.”

“Nice analogy Laurens…”

“Eliza, I’m just saying that it would never work out okay? I’m damaged goods!” John said, smacking his beer down a bit too hard. He felt his fingertips shaking and suddenly he craved the attention of the very person he was denying himself. He sighed, trying to relax himself all over again.” It wouldn’t work out between Alex and me… who would want someone that broken, you know?”

Before Eliza could chime in- probably to get mad at John or convince him otherwise -they both heard someone laughing. John turned to find Alex leading the pretty brunette towards them, their hands linked together.

“Hey guys! This is Maria, she was in my writing courses in college and majored in Composing and Lyrical Art,” Alex explained. The girl- Maria -gave a shy wave and her eyes lingered on Eliza a bit too much.” Maria was telling me how she finally kicked her sorry ass boyfriend to the curb and came out to have fun! I thought she could join us, maybe talk about the show. She might be able to help with the music for this season, maybe even with the musical episode we kept teasing last season?”

“Sure, Lex, that sounds great,” John said, forcing a grin. He started up a conversation with the pretty brunette, not noticing the way Alex’s shoulders dropped as he did. Alex had heard the end of their conversation, and it had pierced his heart more than he’d thought it would. Of course someone as wonderful as John wouldn’t want someone as broken as him, but hearing it himself hurt even more. Instead, he let his eyes train over to Eliza, her own dark ones watching Maria with an odd mixture of curiosity and apprehension. Maybe he just needed a distraction...


	2. Misunderstanding the Situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, keeping it short this time because I'm half awake and only like 3/4 happy with how this turned out... I got carried away with the word count again, so there may only be one more chapter.. I haven't decided yet but I will tomorrow or Sunday, once I get to sit and write again.
> 
> I don't think there are any big warnings for this one, but I hope everyone enjoys!

The new team members worked well into the production of things- even if Alex didn’t really want to admit that more people and Jefferson especially worked as their team. John found himself liking their new “normal” and all his new friends. Every day, he got to look forward to not only Herc and Laff bringing them morning drinks, but Peggy singing along too loudly to her music while she drew, Eliza and Angelica bringing leftover meals for them to eat, and Thomas and James making them take breaks even when they didn’t want to. John was starting to feel like his once small-chosen family was growing for the better. The first three episodes of the season were done so far ahead of schedule that they would be able to take their time with the animation and storyline, something that had been a luxury for their first season. Peggy, Thomas, and James took so much stress off of John’s back that he found himself able to work on other art for the first time since  _ Foster  _ became a thing. He’d even trusted Thomas with a few scenes of his own, which was unheard of with his personal artwork.

In the same regard, the other new members were fitting in as well; Angelica was able to take Alexander’s writing and dialogue and direct them better than even Aaron had done the year before. The girl had a vision and she was brilliant at making Alex’s words come to life. Eliza added a softer touch to all of Laff and Herc’s heavy voice and accent based characters, and she worked well with the boys. Their characters suddenly felt more real, and gained more personality. Even Maria’s experience with music and sound effects really made their second season feel better than the first. Everything was falling into place, and John couldn’t be more excited for their next batch of episodes, where Foster’s new love interest would be introduced.

“John, I finished those chemistry class scenes you gave me, all we need to do is finish the shading on Ollie,” Thomas broke John from his thoughts, setting a stack of prints for the next episode on John’s desk. The curly haired artist glanced through the stack and hummed out a soft praise at the work; while Thomas was indeed abrasive and a know-it-all, like Alex said, he had talent and John liked him.” Did you decide on a base color for Ollie’s shading? I know you had those blue and purple tones picked out.”

“I actually think I’m gonna do grey, have all of the Non people in shades of grey to white,” John said absently, his eyes still flicking over the stack of pictures.” Maybe have Ollie be a mid-tone grey, not too dark but not too light either.”

“A nice nod to the neutral and gender flags, right?” Thomas asked with a grin. John nodded and set the stack aside to scan into his editing software later that evening. His friend noticed the picture on his workstation and picked up the artwork of Foster and Ollie.” This is really good, is this for the episode banner?”

“Um no… I was just sort of messing around, actually,” John admitted sheepishly,” I want to get the hang of Ollie’s figure, since I’m going to be the only one drawing them for a few episodes.”

The new monster they’d designed had come easily once Alex and John sat down to plan everything; Ollie Dark was a part of the devil species called Non’s. They were a branch off of succubi and emotional demons who held no gender norms or denominations. Ollie’s character would have dark grey skin, medium length hair in an inky black color, and wide brown eyes with thick lashes. They also had two small horns on either side of their forehead, and a curled, black, devil’s tail. John was hesitant to admit it, but Ollie looked a lot like Alex, in the same way that he himself looked like Foster. When they’d originally designed Foster Scary, Alex had been adamant that he wanted the main character to look a little like John; so their main character had deep tan skin, freckles over his nose, and curly hair that curled around his shoulders. Foster ended up looking almost like someone who could have been a younger John, in the same way that Ollie now resembled Alex, with his intelligent eyes and thoughtful stature.

“Well that shouldn’t be hard, seeing as you draw Alexander all the time, eh?” Thomas noted with a grin. John flushed all the way to the tops of his ears and he tried to sputter out a response.” Don’t even try, Laurens, we all know how much you and Hamilton put into this show, and into those characters. He writes you into Foster, and you’ve drawn him into Ollie. It would be sweet if it wasn’t so disgustingly romantic, honestly.”

“Says the man who’s planning a animated short to propose to his boyfriend?” John countered. It was a low blow, Thomas had only told him about the idea because of how much he respected his art and how much he wanted John’s help; Thomas and James had been together since just after high school, and Thomas had mentioned wanting to pop the question son, but in his own special way. What better way than through an animated short, since what brought the two together was passed notes and drawings in school?

“I’m going to forgive that since you’ve been helping me with the short and because I know how you get about Alex,” Thomas said, shrugging off John’s low blow.” Speaking of that short, though, did you finish up the scenes I asked for help on?”

“Yeah I still don’t know why you were having such trouble drawing that last scene, shouldn’t your future hopes and dreams be easy?” John said shifting things around his desk so he could pull out his laptop. He gestured for Thomas to sit down and pulled up the animation software that they two artists had been working on for the last few weeks. The short was a brilliant idea, starting with two animated boys in a hallway of other faceless people; the story then moved through Thomas and James’ story. Starting with them meeting in Spanish class- Thomas passing James cute doodles with terrible Spanish dialogue -before ending with them at a party and Thomas’ character falling down to one knee.

“It’s wonderful, John…” Thomas said, his voice cracking a bit with emotion. John smiled, putting the animation file onto a spare zip drive and handing it off to the dark haired man.” You think it will be hard to get Aaron to show it during the big season premiere party?”

“Nah I already text him your grand plan, he’s behind it,” John said, swapping his animation screen for another.” Aaron is a bit of a drama queen, when he proposed to Theo, he did it in front of their entire graduating class. He had their old marching band play their song and he did it in the middle of the football field. He thinks you coming up to show everyone a ‘sneak preview’ of your next project, and proposing is about as epic as it comes.”

“You’re all kind of annoying,” Thomas said, causing John to quirk an eyebrow but not speak up. He continued a moment later.” Especially Alex, and everyone is too loud and not fashion forward enough for my tastes… well except my cousin, Laff is flawless. But even with all your flaws, you guys are good people. I couldn’t have asked for better friends.”

“Aw Jefferson, you’re getting sappy! You must like us!” John teased.

“Shut your mouth, and if you tell anyone I’ll deny it!” Thomas said back, but his words held no bite. He glanced back at the flash drive in his hand and smiled fondly.” Now, back to a more pressing matter, when are you going to tell Hamilton how you feel?”

“First Eliza, now you,” John sighed as he stood and stretched.” It’s not going to happen, no matter how much I want it to okay?”

“Did I ever tell you what happened the first year Jemmy and I were living together?” Thomas asked, his words a bit random. John sighed tiredly but shook his head; just like Alex, Thomas had a tendency to not stop until he’d gotten all his words out.” Jem and I had no clue what to do. I mean, we’d dated on and off all through our senior year, and then I finally told him I might be as flirty as Frankfurter, but I only wanted him. So we moved in together and started college. But Jem still held me at arms length; I can’t say I blame him, I was a freaking whore in high school… that and my flirty tendencies got in trouble more times than not. But I really did only want and love James… he just didn’t know if he could trust me. Neither of our parents were great romantic role models either; his dad never got over his mother’s death, and he never really taught Jem how to trust or love someone fully. And my mom had a different guy nearly every night, so I thought it was normal to be with all kinds of different people. It wasn’t until we  _ fucking talked about it  _ and worked through those problems  _ together  _ that we got really good. Do you see my moral here, yet?”

“Jefferson, I want to be with Alex more than I want to breathe,” John said, his hands suddenly shaking. He closed his eyes and gripped his hands into fists, trying to shake off the emotion.” But I can’t damn him with my issues… even being his roommate and his best friend is more than I deserve sometimes, don’t you see?” Thomas looked like he was going to argue but John spoke up again.” Don’t. Please. I can’t let myself hope, or want… I did that once and it ended badly… I’m going to go okay? Finish up and then lock the studio please.”

John grabbed his bag before Jefferson could argue and he was gone in the next moment. The other artist sighed, falling into John’s now vacant chair. He looked at the sketch of Ollie and Foster, wondering what it was going to take for his new friends to stop being so dumb.

* * *

John decided to stop a the store on his way home; while Alex had a few good recipes to cook- mostly soups and crockpot recipes from Martha Washington -John did most of the cooking in the house. John and Alex had been paired together as roommates Freshman year, since neither of them had anyone they could pair with. Laff and Herc had already paired up, and while Alex didn’t mind Burr, he didn’t want to room with the man. John just had the misfortune of not knowing anyone out of South Carolina, but looking back both men were really glad it had happened. Once school ended, neither one wanted to end their easy lifestyle, so they’d found a two bedroom apartment in the middle of town. Alex kept the house clean- aside from his ever chaotic desk and work area in the kitchen -and John did most of the cooking. He used to cook with his mom, before she died, and he’d inherited the recipes she taught him once she was gone. Often, he would cook or bake for hours if something was on his mind or bothering him.

“What did I do to piss you off, this time?” Alex teased when he came home to find John finishing a large pot of Paella. The Spanish rice dish was one of Alex’s favorite, but it was also a dish John reserved for when he was really upset and wanted to focus on cooking.

“Alex, I haven’t seen you enough this week to be mad about anything,” John said, only a little bitter. Alex had the decency to look sheepish, though, and he kicked his toe nervously.” But to calm your overactive mind, I’m not mad at you I just have a lot on my mind… Paella takes a lot to make, so it seemed like a good distraction.”

“And it’s my favorite,” Alex said a bit absently.

“And it’s your favorite,” John said back, a soft smile making its way to his lips.” If you want to grab some plates, we can eat and watch a movie… should I expect Eliza tonight?”

“No, Liza is spending the night with her sisters, since Peggy will be moving out next week,” Alex said. He started to grab plates and silverware, setting them on the counter near where John was finishing up the food.

“Peggy is breaking the Schuyler trinity eh?” John said, trying not to sound as interested as he was. The Schuyler sisters had lived together since Angelica was 19, Eliza was 18 and Peggy was 16; their father had always been more than a little controlling and they’d decided to make it their own way once Angelica was old enough to take care of them all. Peggy leaving the safety of their trio was much more groundbreaking than it seemed.

“Yeah, Herc and Laff may or may not have asked her to move in with them,” Alex said, suddenly giggling like a gossiping school girl. John tried to keep up his uninterested facade; he tried to keep the aloof and cool demeanor he’d held since Alex started seeing Eliza… but he couldn’t hide his grin. Her and Laff had been ga-ga for Peggy when she came to help them with the end of season 1 for  _ Foster _ . This had only gotten worse now that Peggy was a permanent staple in their group, and John had seen the signs of them getting closer just like everyone else. It really wasn’t a surprise that Laff and Herc had asked the pretty girl to move in with them.

“Well I think that means you owe me $20, Lex,” John said with a smirk,” I did bet they’d all be a thing in under 6 months, remember?”

“Damn, you’re right,” Alex said, not looking at all put off and genuinely smiling for the first time in a week. Even if he now knew John didn’t want him, the man made him so happy it wa shard to ignore. Alex had hoped that his pseudo-dating Eliza would be enough of a distraction, but it only made him want John more.” How about I let you pick the movie instead? You can even pick one of your musicals that I don’t understand.”

“Oh we are so watching RENT tonight!” John grinned in victory. Alex tried not to get lost in John’s eyes or his smile, and John tried not to blush under the soft look Alex was giving him… neither was entirely successful.

* * *

The Premiere party for Season 2 of Foster Scary was supposed to be a gift from the new Network who had signed on with the show; the TV station had booked a small restaurant downtown- a French bistro with rave reviews and an up-and-coming reputation -and had set up so the crew could watch the first episode. John had to admit, even if he wasn't enjoying himself, the party was nice. The bistro was set up only with a few tables of food, and the open bar where most of the staff was mingling; there was also the stage where usually a live band played, but tonight had a large white projection screen for the show to be on later (well that and Thomas’ proposal but only he and Aaron knew about that). John had himself sat in the corner of the room, watching Alexander and Eliza giggle over some wine and talk quietly at a table of their own. He had his sketchbook on his lap and had a half finished drawing of Foster and Ollie, sitting together on a park bench with a book open between them.

“I’d ask if you’re having fun, but it would be a waste of time,” A voice broke John’s thoughts, and he glanced up to find Maria standing beside his seat. She gestured to the chair next to him, and John nodded, closing his book.” You’re really talented, John… I don’t remember if I ever got the chance to say that, but you are.” Maria glanced up at Alex and Eliza, her brown eyes growing sad.” It’s difficult to watch someone you care about with someone else, isn’t it?”

“You too?” John asked, his heart thumping at the idea of having to compare to two beautiful women. Not that he was competing, he knew better than to try and win Alex’s affections, but the prospect still sucked.

“Not Alex, though I know he thinks everyone is in love with him,” Maria chuckled taking a sip of her own wine.” No… I got really close with Eliza that first week. I thought we had a sort of connection, but… well she ghosted me when I asked her on a date. I figured I scared her off so I let it go. But it’s hard to see her with Alex when I wish she was with me.”

“I’m sorry, Maria… are you sure Eliza just might not have known how to react to your liking her?” John asked honestly.” As someone who was in the closet for years, it can be hard to admit to those feelings when they start… or when you’ve thought you were a certain way your whole life.”

“Maybe…” Maria mused softly. She glanced up at the couple again, only to see Eliza dragging Alex out of the private party room.” It doesn’t matter, we both know we won’t make the first move.”

“You’re not wrong, Ms. Reynolds, you are not wrong,” John said raising his glass of wine to clink against Maria’s. The group was interrupted as Thomas came up to the stage and tapped his fork against a glass of water.

“Good evening everyone! I know the first episode is supposed to air in about an hour, but before that I was hoping you would all give me an opinion,” Thomas said, his charm oozing out easily. John knew what he was doing, and he quickly made his way to the laptop they’d later be using to stream the first episode of season 2.” I have been working on a independent animation project, and had hoped that you, my trusted colleagues… and friends… would give me your opinion?”

“Here here! Let’s see it, Jefferson!” Aaron called from the bar, a grin already spreading over his lips. Next to him, his very pregnant wife was chuckling to herself and shaking her head. Thomas gave the man a thankful smile, and for a second John saw the nerves at the edge of Jefferson’s eyes. He was shaken from that thought as the other man waved to him to play the video. While everyone else was seeing the animation for the first time, John had seen it enough, having helped Thomas make it. He instead, decided he wanted to watch the reactions, most importantly James’. Each new scene had James looking more and more awestruck, the normally mild mannered man’s eyes alight with passion and want. He turned to face Thomas as the last scene played, only to find his boyfriend down on one knee, presenting a beautiful gold and silver braided ring in a velvet box.

“Jemmy… James?” Thomas said his boyfriend’s name a bit like a prayer, and John felt his spine tingle at the moment.” I love you… so damn much. And I know it took me forever to convince you that you’re the only man for me, but I’d like to keep convincing you of that for the rest of our lives. You are my sun, my moon, and every star in the sky… you light up my world and fill it with more colors than I could ever animate into a cartoon. Please tell me that you’ll do me the honor of marrying me?”

“Yes, yes!” James spoke, then, his voice raw and teary. John watched the couple come together in a kiss with soft eyes. It was beautiful, and perfect, and something he wanted so bad. The artist glanced up at Maria, only to find her with a similar expression as everyone around them cheered and congratulated the couple. It only took him another moment to realize that Eliza and Alex were still missing.

* * *

“They’re going to kill us for sneaking away,” Alex murmured as Eliza continued to drag him towards the other party room in the restaurant. The dark haired girl was beautiful; but Alex couldn’t help wishing her straight, black, hair was curly and caramel-colored, her eyes hazel instead of dark brown, and her skin covered in freckles- no. He promised he wouldn’t think of John, not tonight, or ever if he could help it.

“They’re all getting so drunk they won’t notice,” Eliza teased as she tugged him into the other room. When she leaned up onto her toes to kiss Alex, he tried to let himself enjoy it; kissing Eliza wasn’t bad, actually if he let himself not think he enjoyed it. But her lips didn’t feel right, and he pulled away feeling a bit like he’d kissed a cousin. They exchanged a few more flat and awkward kisses before they both pulled away entirely. Eliza's dark eyes were just as conflicted as Alex felt.” That didn’t work, did it?”

“I really want to say yes, Liza… you know I do,” Alex said, his heart breaking in his chest. The girl sighed, stepping away, and leaning back against the table.” God… what is _wrong_ with me?! I’m stuck wishing for a guy who called me too broken to love…”

“Meanwhile I’m wishing for a girl who asked me out, but I was too scared to say yes to... what a pair we are,” Eliza said, her voice raw and honest. She sniffed a bit, and Alex came beside her to hug her gently. The motion felt better, now that they’d both admitted whatever they’d been doing hadn’t worked. They'd both felt it, they had just wanted the distraction to work, and now that it had come to a headway they had to stop being in denial. They sat in an easy hug for a long moment before Eliza seemed to have a moment of clarity.” Alex… what do you mean John called you too broken to love?”

“You were there, Liza…” Alex sighed, not wanting to rehash the worst night of his life.” I was bringing Maria over to meet you- because she thought you were pretty and I’m an awesome wingman -and John said it. ‘ _It wouldn’t work out between Alex and me… who would want someone that broken, you know?_ ’ I know he was talking about me… John knows my whole story, I just.. well I thought he didn’t care how fucked up I can be you know?”

“Oh.  _ Oh Alex _ !” Eliza cried, realization hitting her like a truck. She gave him a helpless look and shook her head.” You two really are the dumbest shits ever..”

“Hey!”

“No you listen to me Alexander Hamilton!” Eliza cried, suddenly all fire and stubborn energy.” John wasn’t talking about you, Alex! He was talking about  _ himself _ . He thought  _ you  _ would never want  _ him _ , with all the baggage he had! He would kill me if he knew I said this, but I’m really tired of all the miscommunication… plus I love John to death and I don’t know why he can’t just see how in love with him you-”

“John wasn’t talking about me?” Alex cut in, his mind whirling at about a million miles a minute. Eliza shook her head, smiling now and trying to let the man figure it all out himself.” JOhn thinks I don’t want him?” Another nod from Eliza.” Oh. Oh.  _ Oh _ ! Liza… Liza I have to- I mean… I just! Oh my god…  _ holy fucking shit _ !”

“You have to tell John Laurens you love him,” Eliza said around a grin.

“Yeah… I have to that,” Alex said, suddenly terrified at the prospect. He’d been in love with John Laurens since their first night out, about a month into being roommates and friends; John had about three beers and was wasted- always having been a lightweight -and he’d drawn Alex on a bar napkin. He’d told him that his eyes could tell novels, and one day Alex was going to change the world. Alex had never felt so special before, no one had ever made him feel so real and alive as John had in that moment. And it only got worse as the years went on, but they were both still finding themselves, and Alex was scared John would disappear like everything else that was good in his life. Now, years later, Alex was still scared but he was even more scared of losing John because of his own hesitance.” No, I am not throwing away my shot with John! I can’t! And neither can you, by the way, you know Maria thinks you’re great right?”

“Alex… I totally ghosted her because I didn’t want to admit I had the hots for a girl!” Eliza said her face ashen at the memory.” She could never-”

“She already has trust me… if I have to have one more late night episode session with her trying to ask me about you I may barf,” Alex said rolling his eyes. Something about that moment had both him and Eliza giggling, and after a moment they were laughing fully in the empty room. Once they’d calmed down, Alex wiped his eyes and grinned at Eliza.” Friends?”

“Yeah, the best, Alexander… now let’s go try to fix this shit.”

* * *

By the time Alex and Eliza got back to the room, something big had happened; Alex knew because everyone was crowding around Jefferson and Madison, and no one noticed them slip back in. It only took a glance up to the frozen animation on the screen, then back to the kissing couple, for them to realize what they’d missed.

“Oh shit, we missed our friends getting engaged!” Eliza said, her voice a bit shrill.” Oh god. Jefferson is never going to shut up about this... How the hell are we-”

“Jefferson made a cliche animation of their love story, then a relatively nice speech and proposed,” Maria was beside them in a moment, smiling at their helpless looks.” Stick with me, toots, I can help you fake the reaction. Alex,” Maria gave him a grin,” You’re on your own.”

“I got him, Ri,” John said, suddenly beside Alex. The curly haired man put a hand on Alex’s shoulder and smiled, the expression a bit guarded. Alex didn't like it; his John's smiles were always wide, a bit crooked, and full of emotion. This felt like John was holding back, scared to be himself.” You okay?”

“Yeah… yeah I’ve never been better,” Alex said honestly. He felt so light, knowing that the conversation he'd heard weeks ago was a misunderstanding, and John was there, which always made him feel better. He smiled, covering John’s hand with his own and then glancing over to Eliza. The middle Schuyler was talking with Maria, softly, and they were both talking over clasped hands. That, at least, seemed to be falling into place and Alex was happy for them. He glanced over to Thomas and James, seeing them still huddled together but all their friends around them as well. Tomorrow Alex would try to figure out his own love life; for tonight, he needed to let his friends have their moment.” I don't care if he just got engaged, I'd say it's about time for me to give Jefferson some hell... what ya say, Jack?"

"You know I'd follow you anywhere Ham," John said, using his nickname back from their college days. Alex knew, in that moment, that everyone would work out... even if they had to wait a bit longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending got away from me a bit.. started ramble-typing and such. ugh hopefully it's okay! there will be actual Lams in the next chapter, I swear XD leave comments, they make me happy <3


	3. A Happy Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright y'all. It's been a journey... I promise you I meant to have this finished MONTHS ago, but life has a tendency to hit me square in the nose. 
> 
> So, I got married (YAY) which took up some time, since we had all the last minute shit to deal with; then we had a bit of a family tragedy... we had to put our dog down because of a really rare fungal infection she got. It became systemic, infecting her bones, and there was no treatment. Now, this is a big dealt o my husband and I because we'd had out pup since she was 5 weeks old, and she was our child. We don't have kids, we had her, and while we weren't crazy puppy parents, she was our life. losing her sucked and it put me out of commission for a few weeks.
> 
> But! I'm back, I'm finishing this story (for now I may revisit or add things later) and working on some new things. I have a bonus chapter to my Coffee shop AU story, which should go up soon. I also have a LafLams story that came out of NOWHERE but won't let me not write it, and hopefully that will go up before New Years. Plus more, because my brain sucks. Anyway, before this note becomes another chapter, enjoy this LONG AS FUCK end chapter, and leave me comments <3 <3 <3 I LIVE for comments, people, it makes me write quicker!!

“Hamilton I require your presence,” Thomas said with far more gesture and drama than necessary. John snickered a bit at Thomas- who he was quickly becoming close friends with, to Alex’s chagrin -but didn’t look up from his drawing. They were about 3/4 of the way through  _ Foster  _ and about to go on their Holiday Hiatus. They would have 7 blissful weeks to enjoy to themselves, and not have to worry about a new episode due, until the second week in January. Still, John had a habit of drawing future scenes, potential ideas or doodles for his fan page. The fandom also got weekly art drops, where John would fill a sketchbook page with doodles or  _ Foster Scary _ characters. It had started as a stress reliever when the show came out, and now John looked forward to releasing the characters and doodles to social media… he might also be a bit of a fan favorite because of it.

“I didn’t realize that we were talking like the founding fathers, today,” Alex grumbled. He was sprawled out on the floor beside John’s art table, his back leaned back against John’s knees while he wrote in his idea journal. Alex had a habit of sprawling out when he was intently writing, more often than not John was the one Alex gravitated to when in these moods, too. If they were at their apartment, sometimes Alex would wiggle under John’s arms or splay over his lap while on the couch. But at the studio, Alex was normally a bit more subdued… normally. As of lately, Alex had been more intimate with his dealings around John. The curly haired artist knew better than to question the affections, but he was starting to wonder why. It was hard to find a day, since Thomas and James’ engagement, that Alex didn’t end up sprawled against John’s knees or his at least on the floor beside John’s work table.

“‘Lex be nice,” John said reaching down to pat Alex’s head, his fingers unable to stop from stroking back some stray strands of hair. The dark haired man immediately settled, leaning further against John’s legs, with a smile.” Why do you need Alex, Thomas?”

“I need you both, actually, Jack,” Thomas said fondly. Alex made an honest-to-god hiss at that and Jefferson rolled his eyes.” My apologies, I forget that you are obsessive with  _ ‘your’  _ nickname for our Laurens. Either way, I need you both.”

“Don’t say it like you’re using air quotes, it  _ is  _ my nickname,” Alex grumbled around a pout. John sighed around his own smile and leaned down further to pat his friend on the cheek, his fingers lingering on the warm skin there.” Now answer his question: why do you need us?”

“Well, James has this dumb super power for winning raffles, and radio show contests,” Thomas said, his expression fond even if his words sounded exasperated,” So he got entered into his church group raffle or some nonsense, and won four tickets to this dinner theater. I remembered John telling me it was his favorite place to see shows, so I’d like to invite you two to join us for the show.”

“Oh Thomas that’s really nice of you!” John said, missing the pointed look Thomas was giving Alex, while he wiped ink off his hands to turn fully towards the conversation.” But, wouldn’t you much prefer inviting another coup-”

“We’d love to join you,” Alex cut off John, something he didn’t often do. He would cut other people off all the time, but not John if he could help it. John wanted to argue a bit, demand that Thomas ask Eliza and Maria, or even Aaron and Theo, but Alex met his eyes and John lost his breath at the fire he found, there.

“Fantastic,” Thomas said clapping his hands and breaking whatever spell was between John and Alex.” They’re doing  _ Little Shop of Horrors _ , which I think John said you like, correct, Alexander?”

“Yes, it’s one of my favorite musicals,” Alex said trying not to look suspicious,” When is the show?”

“This Friday, Jemmy and I can pick you two up around six,” Thomas said, already taking out his phone to text his fiance.

“Well as weirdly polite as this conversation is going,” John said snickering at the two foes being nice to each other,” Alex has promised me take out and The Greatest Showman, tonight. I’m gonna grab my bag then we can go, okay?”

“Take your time, Jack,” Alex said, his voice soft. Once John was gone, Alex turned to face Jefferson.” Alright, what’s this about?”

“Look, I like John. He’s kind to me and sees through the dramatic facade… normally only my Jemmy does that,” Thomas said honestly.” I like to see him happy… and as much as I hate to admit it, you make him happier than anything else, Alex. And Eliza told me about your conversation at the Premiere Party. I just wanted to help you two along, you know?”

“Huh.. I’ll deny I ever said it but you’re alright, Jefferson,” Alex said around a bemused smile. He glanced up as John returned carrying his messenger bag and now wearing his coat and scarf. The bright green of the scarf set off the green in John’s hazel eyes and Alex had to stop his cheeks from turning pink.

“You’d better bundle up, you and I both know you’ll freeze if you don’t,“ John said with a soft smile. He was right, Alex being a kid in the Caribbean, and then brought up in the South with the Washington’s had him very susceptible to cold weather.

“You’re right as always,” Alex said back, letting John help him grab his own coat and scarf. They both bid Thomas a good night, then headed out. It was only later, when Alex had his head in John’s lap and the freckled artist was playing with his hair that they spoke more.

“Not that I am complaining at all, but any reason you’ve been so cuddly lately?” John mused, his fingers wove in Alex’s hair and not pausing the soft motions. The Caribbean man tried to form thoughts outside of the calm he had washing over him, but he felt as if he was melting into the couch and John.” I don’t mind, so don’t take it like that… but I just wondered since you hadn’t been as touchy when Eliza was around-”

“Eliza and I broke up, you know that,” Alex defended,” She’s been seeing Maria since the Premiere Party…”

“No, I know that,” John said defensively,” But… I don’t know. I  _ like  _ when you’re like this Alex. I  _ like  _ that you want hugs and sprawl all over me when you write… I  _ like  _ that you want to spend more nights in with me. And I  _ really  _ like that we can be like this again, but I’m trying to gauge how long this will last. How long do I have with  _ my Alexander _ , before you become someone else's again?”

Alex was bright eyed and alert now, his shoulders tensing at the vulnerability in John’s words. He didn’t want  _ his Jack _ to feel like that, like he was disposable; John was the only thing in life that he absolutely needed, someone he would die without.

“Stop thinking like that, I’m always ‘your’ Alex, you should know that,” Alex said. His voice was only shaking a little, but John had known him long enough to hear the emotion under the surface. Neither of them said anything for a long moment, Alex content to lean against John, and John moving his fingers through Alex’s hair again. Neither one of them was ready to admit to the charged emotion between them, just yet, either. It was the freckled man who finally broke the silence a moment later.

“”Let’s have a sleepover, tonight,” John said, his eyes a bit distant but his voice excited,” Like the ones we used to have in college! I mean, let’s move the movie to your laptop and fall asleep in a heap of blankets and pillows… remember how we would do that almost every Friday in school? Those were the best nights…”

“Anything that gives me an excuse to cuddle with you, Jack,” Alex flirted easily. Later- when they were indeed tangled up in blankets and pillows, but more importantly each other -Alex stared down at a half asleep John. It was in that moment that he realized that he would do anything for John. Period. He would give his life for this man, do anything to make him smile and make him happy. It was so hard to not lean down, kiss John’s temple, and murmur his love against the warm skin he knew he would find there. He only held himself back because John deserved more. He deserved flowers, grand gestures, and musical moments… so, as John fell asleep, Alex began to do what he did best: he began to plan.

* * *

 

John was not normally a suspicious person; generally he left the conspiracy and overthinking to Alex, since the other man was so good at it… but he felt as if something was happening. Specifically something was happening with Alexander. The Caribbean man continued with his cuddles, attention, and all around nice mood towards John- enough that John really did stop wondering when the other shoe would drop -but the artist had known him long enough to know when he was scheming. In college, John had figured out Alex was planning a surprise 21st birthday party for him, within two days of Alex starting the plan. Knowing Alex for so long, and being secretly in love with the man for years, had made him more attuned to what the other man was doing or feeling.

However, John also knew better than to approach Alex about his plan; he’d learned the hard way during their third year in college- while Alex was so sweetly planning a trip to visit his sister Martha for Christmas -that his best friend would only get more frantic and defensive if he did. So, John stayed quiet and tried to enjoy the closeness he and Alex hadn’t had in months. The downside was that being so close made it easy for John to want more. He couldn’t allow himself to want a relationship with Alex anymore than he already did… but their refound closeness made him think it possible. He knew better… and this was the reason he started making plans once a week, sometimes with the Schuyler sisters, sometimes with Lafayette and Herc, but a lot of the time with Jefferson, who he continued to find becoming a close friend.

“Johnny?” Thomas’ voice broke through John’s thoughts. The taller man was at his own art table, watching John stare into space. Thomas had finally demanded another art table, about a week before their hiatus, because he was tired of waiting on John or Peggy to be done at one of the two they originally had in the studio. He said it was causing more delay than necessary, and even Alex agreed with him- something that was becoming more frequent since their night at the theater. It would be weird, if John didn’t want his new friend and his Alex to get along.. since he was happy to have them both in his life.” What’s got you all out of it, Johnny?”

“I’m just thinking, Tommy,” John assured, fiddling absently with his ink pen. The other man gave him a bland look as if he didn’t believe him… which he didn’t.

“So it has nothing to do with Alex sneaking around for over two weeks?” Thomas asked, getting right to the point. John flushed light pink at the accusation, but didn’t speak up against it.” Or with you asking me to come ‘help you get ahead’ on scenes we don’t even need until February?” John’s cheeks were bright red now.” I’m vain, John, not blind or oblivious. Actually, I pride myself in being rather observant with things around me. I’m surprised nothing came out of our lovely double date!”

“It wasn’t a date, Tommy,” John mumbled. He willed his cheeks to go back to their normal color while Thomas gave an exasperated look.

“Alex paid for all your drinks and held your hand during 90% of the show,” Thomas pointed out in the same exasperated manner.” That seems like a date to me.”

“That’s just how Alex is!” John spluttered, his cheeks warming up again. At this rate he would be permanently red.” And he ended up with the waitress’s number, remember!”

“Which he threw away on our way out.”

“Alex flirts with everyone just because he’s more touchy- wait. He threw the phone number out?”

“Yeah, I saw him toss it in the bin while we walked out,” Thomas said, quirking a brow at his friend.” Why is that weird?”

“Alex… Alex has never gotten rid of a number from someone as long as I’ve known him,” John said blinking at this bit of news like someone who had just been told the world actually is flat. This was true; Alex took pride in being able to get phone numbers, even if he rarely ever called people. He even had a shoe box where he put napkins, torn scraps of paper, and whatever else people wrote their numbers on. He had jokingly called it his “self esteem boosting box” and said it reminded him that people found him appealing even when he didn’t think he was.” Yeah.. never in the entire time I’ve known him as he tossed away a phone number.”

“Maybe that’s because he didn’t think he could have you, before?” Thomas offered with a sly grin. John blinked at that statement, looking even more confused by it.” John. You  _ have  _ to have imagined-” The blank, and no sheepish look John gave answered that statement.” Oh.”

“I’ve never let myself hope that Alex would want me,” John admitted quietly.” I know Alex’s past, and his emotional baggage… and it made me not want to try and save him from my own, you know?”

“Did that really work though?”

“What do you mean?”

“John,” Thomas sighed, as if he was explaining math to a particularly stubborn child.” When you’re upset, you go to Alex, no?” John nodded, still confused.” And Alex knows everything about you and your past, yes?” Another nod.” And he’s the one who can bring you down from your anxiety and bad moments?”

“Oh.” John said, realization hitting him like lightning. He’d done his best to hide his issues from Alex, but his best friend knew about them anyway; Alex knew about his abusive and homophobic father, about all his terrible exes, about his PTSD because of one of them, and his anxiety and depression as well. Alex knew he saw a therapist twice a month, sometimes more, and about the trust fund that his mother left him but he refused to touch most of the time. He knew about everything that made John who he was, and more than that he still wanted to be in John’s life.” How…  _ god _ ! How could I have been holding myself back for so long?”

“Denial is a bit of a bitch…” Thomas said examining his nails.” They should throw a brunch, invite Payback, Karma, and Denial, and figure out once and for all who the real Queen B is, you know?”

“Thomas, I have to go, there’s something-”

“Oh just go! I have a key, and I’ll see you later.”

John didn’t wait any longer, taking off from the studio, his mind racing with what he wanted to do. He reached the apartment in record time, and he threw his messenger bag, keys, and jacket onto the couch in a heap before rushing to his destination. He should have felt worse about snooping in Alex’s room, but he was far more consumed by his need to know the truth. Alex had legitimately kept that dumb box of phone numbers for as long as John had known him, if it was really gone then… well he wasn’t sure what that meant. But it made a spark of hope flare in John’s chest.

First, John checked the closet; he searched above the line of neatly hung clothes and lined up shoes, looking at the shelves of storage there. Alex was not a messy person, contrary to popular thought; he might get into messy moods, especially when writing, but he was meticulous in his personal dealings. While sometimes infuriating, this made searching his things easy on John. With the closet coming up empty, John turned to Alex desk, even more neat and together than his closet. There was nothing to be found there, either, and the last place John looked was under the bed. He found a forgotten hardback book, an old hoodie he was pretty sure had once been his, and dust bunnies… along with the telltale square where no dust had settled in years. John’s heart thumped inside of his chest; this had to be the place that box had once sat… but where was it now?

“Jack! I’m home!” Alex’s voice broke John from his haze of emotion. The frantic freckled man righted himself, smoothing the front of his shirt before starting out of the bedroom… only to nearly collide with Alex.” Snooping for my plot notebook again, love?”

“I was looking for my shirt actually, laundry thief,” John managed to tease, trying not to think about the endearment Alex used. Instead he gestured down to the shirt Alex wore now, a soft grey shirt with a large “South Carolina Aquarium” logo on the front.” Seems you’ve been digging into my clothes again, ‘Lex…”

“But your shirts are so soft, Jack!” Alex whined, grasping the front of the shirt defensively,” And they smell like you, so they make me feel happy and safe…”

“Well I can’t complain, they look better on you,” John easily flirted. He was feeling less frantic with his Alex so close. He could figure out what the missing box meant later… for now he had Alex right here, smiling and warm.

“I doubt that, I’m all soft and scrawny,” Alex said with a wrinkled nose,” Meanwhile you’re all buff and muscled, fills the shirt in better.” He leaned forward to grab John’s hand, his fingers warm and calloused against John’s.” You look on edge… wanna go do something? I think that bar you like is doing 2 for 1 beers tonight?”

“You hate Calypso’s,” John grinned,” The last time we went you said Calypso was Greek not Latin, and complained about the salsa music, all night.”

“Yeah but I like you, and spending time with you,” Alex countered, the softest of pinks in his cheeks,” And I don’t mind salsa if you teach me to dance to it, again.”

“Sounds like a date then,” John agreed. He tried not to think about how nice that sounded.

* * *

 

It was the week of Christmas that Alex finally finished all his grand plans. It was well worth the wait, time, and money he’d put in… or at least he hoped it was. He had been killing himself over not telling John, and doing his best to swear his friends to secrecy as well. They all wanted the two to get together- at least that’s what they said once Alex met with them all to discuss his plan -and they were more than willing to help him. So, Alex had planned out a perfect day for his John, and meticulously made sure every moment was planned and perfect… right up until Christmas Eve, when he asked John if he wanted to go early morning ice skating. It had been a bit of a chore getting the artist to agree to the day's events, but it had been worth it.

* * *

_ "I just think it's going to be less fun than you think, Lex," John sighed, trying to finish another Foster doodle page for the fans. Alex tapped his leg a bit impatiently; normally John would agree with his plans, knowing how stubborn the Caribbean man could be, but he seemed to not want to do this one. Which was becoming a big problem, since all of Alex's planning and toiling had been leading up to the fact that John would agree to his plans. _

_ "I always have fun if we're together," Alex tried flirting. He saw John roll his eyes, and he decided to play a bit dirty. He turned John around, glad that the bar stool at their breakfast bar was on a track and moved, then tugged himself between John's knees." C'mon Jack! When's the last time I asked you to do winter things? I know how much you love skating, and caroling, and tree cutting or whatever you people do in South Carolina! Can't you let me be nice and plan something for us?" _

_ “ _ _ You hate the cold, ‘Lex,” John said tiredly, but Alex saw his resolve crumbling, especially when Alex began to run fingers through his curls.” You’ll just complain the whole time, and beg me to make you the good hot chocolate when we get home.” _

_ “First of all, your hot chocolate is the best, it’s not the gross box kind,” Alex defended,” And Secondly, I like the cold just fine… so long as you’re there to distract me. C’mon! Christmas Eve things used to be our thing every year!” _

_ “Alright alright! How can I say no to your face?” John finally conceded. Alex breathed a sigh of relief, having been worried his plans would need to change if John hadn't agreed. _

* * *

 

So, the Christmas Eve morning, John woke up not to a snugly Alex- as he had woke up to for the past few weeks -but rather a note and a tray of still warm breakfast. It was his favorite- a veggie omelet, warm grits and just a shade away from burnt toast next to a big mug of green tea -and there was even a delicate Magnolia blossom next to the plate. John wasn’t sure how Alex had managed to get his favorite flower in the dead of winter, but he felt himself buzzing at the sweet gesture He took a long swig of the tea as he unfolded the note, Alex’s looped cursive unmistakable.

 

**_Morning gorgeous,_ **

 

**_I went ahead to set things up. Today is all about you, okay? Let me spoil you a bit, and don’t ask questions! You’re going to have a few different visitors, some surprises, and a few more notes. It’ll all be worth it, I promise, just trust me okay?_ **

 

**_I’m sad I won’t get to see you this morning… your bedhead, and sleepy eyes. The sun falling over your freckles and dark curls is one of my favorite sights. It’s something I hope I get to wake up to for a long time. I’m usually really good with words, but even those fail me at the thought of getting to think about waking up to you every morning. I hope you know that, or at least that you believe me when I say it._ **

 

**_I’m thinking you’ll wake up soon, so I have to go, but I’ll see you soon. Don’t miss me too much, Jack._ **

 

**_-Your Alex_ **

 

John’s face was red and his skin buzzed even more at the end of the note, and he grasped it to his chest like a girl in a rom-com. He allowed himself to enjoy his breakfast then got up, only to find Lafayette sitting in the living room, once he came out.

“I was wondering how long I’d have to wait,” Laff smiled. They stood, their smile turning into an all out grin as they handed over another note.” You might want to read this first.”

John unfolded the note with a grin, sure he looked a bit like a kid on Christmas- ironic given how close the holiday was.

 

**_My Dearest Laurens,_ **

 

**_It’s been awhile since I’ve called you that… mental note to do it more, right? Laff is here to take you on a small shopping spree. I want you to get something warm and cute, something you want to wear for the start of our day, and then something a little nicer for tonight._ **

 

**_No worrying about money, this is part of your Christmas gift okay? Once you’re done, Laff is going to help you get ready and then we’re going ice skating, for real! I know you’re going to look amazing in anything, and I can’t wait to see you with snow in your hair, cheeks all pink from the cold… which okay yes I hate, but you’ll have to keep me warm okay?_ **

 

**_See you soon,_ **

**_Always Your Alex_ **

 

“He is, how you say, outdoing himself yes?” Laff said as they saw John jumping from foot to foot in his excitement.

“Yeah… if I wasn’t already so head over ass for him, I would be now,” John admitted with a grin too big for his face. Laff chuckled in response, holding their arm out to the freckled artist. John looped his arm through his friend’s before he could think better of it.

“You ready for a shopping spree, _mon ami_?” Laff asked, an excited sparkle in their eyes. Suddenly, John remembered why he didn’t often go shopping with his French friend.” I have so many ideas, John! I’m thinking something in green… you know how much our Alex loves the way it brings out your eyes…”

“I’m in for at least two hours of shopping hell, aren’t I?” John said as Laff began to drag him out of the apartment. A whole three hours later- John swore that they only took a whole extra hour to spite him for his comment -the artist had two new outfits. One was deep green sweater, layered over an undershirt and a thinner long sleeved grey shirt. Laff had even found a pair of skinny jeans that had warm lining in them and hugged John’s legs and ass nicely. Those paired with a new pair of sturdy black boots felt nice, it had been awhile since John bought something for himself. The second outfit was nicer, a pair of dress slacks, a forest green button up to go under a light grey blazer, and Laff had found honest-to-god turtle cufflinks- John’s favorite animal and something he had a small obsession for.” Laff this all looks great, but did we really need to spend three hours picking things out? I mean, Alex has to be freezing by now!”

“Alex was waiting inside a coffee shop until I text him to tell him we were on our way,” Laff said pointedly,” Do you really think I would allow our dear Alexander to freeze to death before he managed to confess his undying love for you?”

“I hardly-”

“Do you really not see that this is what he is doing?” Laff said, quirking a perfectly arched eyebrow at their friend.” Really, mon chou, you have to see what is happening… we’ve all been witness to it, particularly in the last few weeks. Let it happen, and enjoy every moment of it. Oh! And I almost forgot.” Laff took out another folded piece of paper which John took eagerly.” Read this before you go.”

John took the paper, then stared up at the path that led to the large ice rink in the center of the park. He and his friends had all been to the rink more than once and, at one point the year before, they’d all come on a break from their animation. He carefully unfolded the paper from Laff, smiling when he found a smaller note in Alex’s familiar cursive:

 

**_John,_ **

**_I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it before, so let me take this chance: I love so many things about you. I’m sure I could fill novels with the amount, but I’m going to list my top ten on your journey to the ice rink. Here’s the first one:_ **

**_I love your laugh; you’ve always said that you hate how loud it is, and how you look when you’re laughing without caring. But let me just tell you that I love your laugh so much. I think this was the first thing I fell in love with about you, Jack… do you remember one of the first nights we studied together?_ **

**_It was Freshman year, we were waist deep in finals and we were both running on about two hours of sleep. We had that shared class- Cinematography and Marketing, I think? -so we decided to cram together, but we ended up talking and goofing off more than anything. I made some dumb pun about white boards- I think I actually said “you have to give it to white boards, they’re really re-markable” -since we were using the one we had in our dorm room, and suddenly you were laughing._ **

**_I’d heard you laugh before, obviously, but this was different. You were laughing fully, not holding anything back, and you even snorted a few times. It was the most beautiful and raw thing I have ever seen… I’ve tried to get that laugh out of you a million times over, and I intend to spend the foreseeable future doing more things to hear it again._ **

**_Always Yours,_ **

**_Alex_ **

 

The artist felt light his chest wasn’t big enough for his heart, in that moment; Alex had always had a way with words, but it seemed like he was really pulling out all the stops this time around. He tenderly folded the note up again, tucking it into the pocket of his backpack- brought by Laff and carrying a thermos of hot chocolate, an extra sweater, and the letters from this morning -before heading down the path. John made it about three yards down the path before he was faced with another familiar face. This time it was Peggy, grinning from ear to ear and holding another piece of paper.

“Alex is being so romantic, Johnny!” Peggy cried, unable to hold back her excitement.” If he’d let me I would have recorded the whole thing for YouTube, but he says this is just for you!”

John laughed at that, it sounded so much like his Alex that it was funny. He took the note from the youngest Schuyler, chuckling again when she leaned in to read over his shoulder:

 

**_J,_ **

**_Second thing, of my top ten, that I love about your: your eyes. I think it was Junior year that we were talking about how much I loved your eye color? It was us, Laff, and Herc and we were all talking about things we didn’t like about ourselves, and the things we did. You mentioned a lot that you didn’t like, but you said you actually liked your eyes, and I was quick to agree, stating that I could write sonnets about the color of them… and then I promptly did write you a sonnet about your eyes, when you told me you doubted even I could do that._ **

**_I know Laff and Herc like to tease me about how your eyes are like my kryptonite, especially since every time you wear green it really brings out your eyes and I go a little breathless… but they’re onto something. I’m pretty sure you could give some well-timed puppy dog eyes and I’d do about anything you asked. Another thing I love about those gorgeous eyes though? The way they look at me… I’ve been looked at with pity, anger, and exasperation, but you give me looks I can’t fully explain with words._ **

**_I suppose love is the closest word I have; you look at me with love, and I didn’t know I needed that until you gave it to me._ **

**_Always Yours,_ **

**_Alex_ **

 

“He’s doing really well, isn’t he?” Peggy said, her voice dripping with excitement. John nodded, taking care to put this note in his bag with the others.” Well go on! Two down, eight to go!”

John nodded, trying his best not to cry; his heart felt filled to the brim already, how on earth was he going to be able to get eight more notes in? John traveled down the path, finding each of his friends, waiting with different notes, all in Alex’s familiar script. Hercules was next, and he had a note about how Alex loved his art, and used to save his “terrible drafts” from the trash of their dorm room, and still had a scrapbook of the abandoned work John had tried to throw away. After Herc, John found Eliza, and read a note that did make him cry a bit, detailing how they both had scars- inside and out -but Alex loved every one of John’s scars, and was glad to finally find someone who understood his own. Maria had a letter detailing how not many knew John could sing very well, but that Alex did, and he often listened to John sing in the shower, but that even just his normal voice made Alex calm and happy. Angelica was after that, holding a letter that told John that he was probably the only person Alex had ever met who had a passion that matched his own. James was next, holding a shorter note, just listing some of the habits John had- like chewing his lips when he was nervous, baking if he was sad, or singing in the shower -and how much these small things made Alex so happy. Burr was one of the last friends John met, and John felt raw and overflowing with emotion by the time he was nearly to the end of the snowy path.

“Aaron Burr, sir!” John couldn’t help but use the rhyme scheme that forever amused Alexander. The dark skinned man grinned, unable to hide his amusement at John’s mood.

“Your boy is definitely showing us all up, isn’t he?” Aaron said, not sounding at all upset. John nodded, a giddy grin spreading over his lips.” But, did anyone really expect less from Alexander Hamilton? He’s spent about two weeks on this, you know. He came to us right at the beginning, he even asked Thomas for help, because he knew that would make you happy.”

“I don’t even know what to say, Aaron… I feel like a cup overflowing,” John said, his voice wavering in emotion. Aaron nodded, his eyes crinkling in another smile that seemed almost too wide for his face.” So what does your note say?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron said honestly,” Alexander didn’t let any of us read them. He just handed them out to us while we got set up on the path, and then headed to the ice rink.”

“Ever the air of mystery,” John said, his voice fondly exasperated. Aaron and John ducked together over a letter that told a story about how one of Alex’s first real interactions with John was at a bar, and the subsequent bar fight that he’d gotten into. It went on to explain that even if it got people into trouble, Alex loved John’s temper, because it was so integral to him as a person.” I feel like I’m figuring myself out for the first time.. like seeing myself through Alex’s eyes is some sort of personal revelation.”

“I think that’s the point of being in love,” Burr said honestly,” Theo makes me look at myself in an entirely different light, and she tells me that I make her feel like a better person. Love doesn’t change you, it just seeps into everything you do, until you begin to love yourself as much as that other person loves you.”

“You’re fucking eloquent when you want to be, Aaron,” John laughed, not even bothering to hold back the noise, as he often did. Alex said he loved John’s laugh, and who was the artist to deny the man that, after everything he’d done so far. Burr shrugged around another easy smile, then nodded for John to keep down the path.

“Go on, you’ve got two more to go.”

John was an odd mixture of surprised and not at all surprised to see Thomas at the end of the path, just a few yards from the entrance to the ice rink. He was surprised- even with Aaron having said that Alex had asked his sworn enemy for help -but also not, because Thomas had become such a close friend to him over the last few months. That didn’t make seeing the taller man standing at the end of the path- decked out in a magenta ski jacket, purple jeans, and a pair of honest-to-god purple hiking boots -any less amusing. Thomas grinned as he saw John coming up the path, and he gave an almost lazy wave as the artist got closer to him.

“So, I can only imagine that this is all pretty overwhelming,” Thomas said conversationally, as if they were at the office, talking about the weather.” But, your Alexander is nothing if not a drama queen, eh?”

“Says the man wearing head-to-toe shades of purple,” John quipped back, a grin finding its way to his lips. Thomas returned the expression, then leaned over to give the shorter man a hug. John couldn’t help but fall into the embrace, needing the comfort after the emotional journey he’d just had. The two friends stood for a long moment, before Thomas pulled back and dug into his jacket pocket for another piece of paper.” He took some time on this one, it’s got ink smudges all over it and it’s way longer than everyone else’s… I’m not sure why he asked me to give you this one, it obviously means a lot.”

“I think it’s Alex’s way of trying to be nice,” John said honestly.” He knows we’re friends, and he knows that you’re a part of our group even if he tries to deny it. So this is like him admitting that you’re one of us, even if he’ll never out right say it.”

“Stubborn to a fault your Alexander is,” Thomas said with another soft smile. Instead of disgust, this tone was filled with an exasperated fondness that gave John hope for the two men becoming at least friendly, in the future.” Now, let’s read this before I die of anticipation!”

John giggled, but nodded his agreement, not sure how he was going to take another emotional letter. They opened the letter, then ducked together to read the page, indeed longer than any of the other letters so far.

 

**My John,**

 

**Okay. I was trying to keep these all really short and sweet- or short and sweet for me? -but this one… well this one is important. I’ve decided to give this letter to Jefferson… Thomas. I’m giving this one to Thomas for a couple of reasons; first and foremost, he is your friend. And while that fact annoys me a little, I love seeing you happy and he makes you happy with that friendship. But I also want him to have this one because it pertains to him a bit as well. Now, I’m sure that nosy Francophile is reading along with you, so he will probably see this (Yeah I see your prying eyes, Jefferson!) so let me start there: Thomas you make me a better person in a way that I never asked for. You push me, and force me to think outside of my box. It drives me mad in the same way that I’m actually thankful for it… I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and I’ll deny it if you bring it up in mixed company. But thank you for making me who I am, and making me better too. And thank you for taking care of my Jack, my dearest Laurens, when I cannot, and in some ways that I cannot. I’ll forever be grateful to you, for that.**

**And Jack, here’s the ninth thing I love about you: You make me a better person in a way that is wholly different than anyone else in my life. You are the only person I’ve ever met that hasn’t wanted to change me, but instead has just loved me for who I am; you take every flaw and imperfection, and make me think that it was a unique mistake of the universe, that somehow came together into a pretty great package. But even more than that, Jack… you make me want to do better. We both know that I have no shortage of dedication or drive, but you help me direct that in a different way; instead of focusing on what I can do for myself, or to move forward in life, I’m thinking of** **_bettering_ ** **myself and what that can do for those** **_in_ ** **my life.**

**I spent the better part of those first years, knowing you, trying to figure out why you made me feel this way. Before long, I gave up because I didn't think I'd ever know why you elicited such a reaction from me. Besides, why did I care why you made me react that way, when it was such a fair trade off for having you in my life. It wasn't until later I realized it was all because I loved you; if I'm being honest I think the first time I really knew I was in love with you was right before we graduated, when we started planning _Foster Scary._ That night, when we got trashed and planned out the entire series idea, I didn't fall asleep until after you did; I stayed up and watched you sleep, smiling like a freaking fool because I was somehow lucky enough to have you in my life. It was in that second that I thought "God I love this man", and in the same instance, realized I would never be good enough to deserve you. But damn if I wasn't going to try and be a person who did deserve you.**

**I’ve never wanted to change myself for anyone, half because of how stubborn I am and half because I never understood wanting to change for someone else; and then you came round-house-kicking into my life (yeah don’t think I’ve forgotten you pulling a freaking** **_Road House_ ** **on those assholes at the college bar, it is one of the top ten moments in my life). The beautiful thing (besides you obviously) is that I don’t want to** **_change_ ** **for you, I just want to be the best me possible. I’ve always felt like I didn't fit into whatever box or hole that the world wanted me to go into, but you made me realize that I wasn’t made to fit into those roles… I was made to notch into place beside** **_you_ ** **. I want to be better, I** **_strive_ ** **to be better and the very** **_best me_ ** **, so that I can be worth the love and attention you give me. Because you are worth the best me that I can be, John.**

**I only hope, that you'll let me spend the rest of our lives trying to be that person that deserves you.**

 

**With All of Myself,**

**Your Alex**

 

John was crying this time; he didn’t even try to deny the tears, letting them wobble down his cheeks around giddy little laughs. These were joyful tears, his heart overflowing from his eyes, and he couldn’t quit smiling. Beside him, Thomas was uncharacteristically quiet, and when John turned his eyes from the note, he realized it was because his friend was shocked.

“Hamilton admitted something nice about me, John,” Thomas said, looking up as if someone had just told him Magenta wasn’t a real color. The other artist chuckled and nodded in agreement, having been a little more taken with his portion of the letter.

“In writing no less!” John said, suddenly laughing a bit hysterically, in the best way possible.” God, why did I ever try to fight my love for this man?”

“Fuck if I know, Johnny boy… but if you don’t marry him after this I’ll kick you myself,” Thomas said, his voice only half joking.” Now go, Hamilton has to be half frozen by now… and he’s got your last note.”

John didn’t need anymore invitation than that, and he took off towards the ice rink. Forgetting skates, or any sense of grace, entirely, John took off over the lip leading into the rink; he saw Alex, standing only a few feet into the icy ground, his back to the curly haired artist. This only made John try to move faster, his boots gripping the ice a bit, but still sliding and slipping around as he tried to move quickly. 

“Alex! Alexander Hamilton!” John finally called out, causing the other man to turn around. The smile that broke out over Alex’s face, when he saw John, should have been illegal; the dark haired man stepped forward in just enough time to catch the curly haired artist, as he slid and nearly fell on a particularly icy patch.

“You always did know how to make an entr-”

“Shut up and start kissing me or I’m going to tackle you and then we’ll both be cold on the ice,” John said, breathless but having not of Alex’s normal long-windedness. Alex gave him a stunned look, smiling around the shock but still stunned at the bold words from his friend.

“I think I can do that,” Alex said after a short moment of shock, tugging John a bit closer, against his chest. He ducked his face down, finding it so natural to press his lips to John’s, in a kiss that was both tender and hard all at once. Both men sighed at the contact, having been waiting so long for this kiss, that finally getting it felt like salve to a burn. John threw his arms around Alex’s neck, tugging closer to the other man, his fingers weaving into dark locks; Alex, in turn, pressed his hands to the small of John’s back, his fingers pressing up and down his spine in soothing pressure. The kiss which started out as fervent but tender quickly grew heated. John growled a bit, tugging impossibly closer to Alex and even daring to nip at the other man's lower lip. In turn, Alex reacted with a throaty groan, and swiped his tongue out to taste the artist.

They kissed for a long moment, searching each other’s months, memorizing the feel and taste, and still going back for more. They kissed for what felt like forever; traded kisses that were soft, rough, desperate, needy, and sweet. They bumped teeth a few times, and bit, sucked, and licked at one another, sloppily, trying to find what the other person liked. It was a beautiful, messy, kind of thing that was like a mixture of what ever Rom-Com movie ended with, and how not to kiss... but somehow it was exactly what they both needed. Neither man wanted to pull back, but they finally did, gulping for air and refusing to go more than a few inches from full contact. John’s nose brushed Alex’s, their breath mingling as they tried to catch their breath. Alex's one hand trailed up to John's cheek, needing the contact and taking the chance to trace some of the man's freckles.

"Holy  _ hell _ , Jack! That was-”

“Alexander Hamilton, I love you,” John said, not allowing his best friend to finish. For once, he was the one speaking over someone, but he had to get the words out before he lost himself in another kiss- which given the last few minutes, he very easily could.” I love you in my very core, and in every moment of  _ every fucking day _ . I fought that love for so long, because I didn’t think I deserved you; I didn’t want to bog you down with all my baggage…”

“John that is ridiculous! You know-”

“Just… let me finish okay? I'll never get these words out, again, if you don't let me do it now...” John begged, tears still glinting at the corner of his eyes. Alex grew silent immediately, a smiling starting at the edge of his lips.” You gave me a whole morning of beautiful words, let me try to give you some of mine in return, okay? I love you. I love you more than my favorite pastel sticks, more than turtles, and more than dark chocolate ice cream. I have never met someone who knows me so thoroughly, and still likes what they see; you know my past, you know my baggage, even with me trying to keep that all away from you, and yet you stuck around. You built a life with me, you made me fall in love with you and you make me want to be better too, Alex. I never thought I’d deserve someone as amazing as you, but I’ll spend every day of our future trying to be good enough, and make you happy enough, that I do.”

John paused, only for a second, to catch his breath and smile at Alex again; the other man was looking at John with such reverence that it felt at the edge of comical.

“So let’s start at the beginning,” John said, his lips quirking into a wider grin,” I love your laugh too, but I love your smile more; the way that it takes over your whole face and lights up your eyes. I love those eyes, by the way; the deep brown color and how thoughtful, and deep, they are, and how I can tell what you’re thinking before you shout it for the world… which you always do, but I so love hearing your thoughts, too. I love your writing, even the stupid bedtime stories and tales of the Doodle family that you wrote for me back in Freshman year… I still have all of them, you know. I kept the scraps and passed notes, all the stories that I illustrated between classes and during study nights. I love your writing, and I will always be your biggest fan. I also love your scars, how a lot of yours match mine, and you’re the only person I know who understands why some scars hurt more than others. I love that you sing okay, but that you rap better than anyone I know, and make up dumb ‘good morning’ verses to get me up and ready for the day. I love your passion, because it drives you in the same way that mine drives me.. And it makes me wonder what other things you’re passionate about, in life.” John said this one with a wolfish grin, basking in the blush that made its way over Alex’s cheeks.” I love all your annoying habits, even how you cut people off because you always have so many words to get out… I love your temper because it’s linked to that passion I love so much too. More importantly, Alex… I love that you make me want to be my best self too. I didn’t even know a best version of me existed until you started making me love myself.”

“I couldn’t write anything that wonderful, Jack,” Alex said, his voice breathless. The two men grinned at each other, their noses still brushing from their closeness.

“This is the part where you kiss again,  _ mon amis _ !” Laff’s voice came from near the entrance to the skating rink. Alex and John laughed, turning to find their group of friends all standing at the wall, watching them with big grins on their faces.

“Who am I do disappoint our friends, or to deny myself another kiss from you?” Alex mused, tugging John back against his chest with a wolfish grin. They met in the middle, their lips meeting as if drawn together by magnets, and neither man stopped at their friends’ whoops and cries of joy. They’d both been waiting too long for that moment, nothing was going to get in their way.

* * *

 

John and Alex had their dinner date after a few hours spent ice skating with their friends; it had warmed even the Caribbean man to see their friends pairing off and having fun. Watching Aaron and Angelica skating around- both without their significant others but talking excitedly together as Aaron slid around and tried not to fall -made for a fun sight. The same way that seeing Lafayette and Hercules did, skate with Peggy linked between them, looking as if she’d always belonged there. Eliza and Maria also made quite the picture, skating by, hand-in-hand like two snowy angels. James and Thomas also made a lovely pair; the garish magenta of Thomas’ outfit was toned down by the soft grey and blue of James’, and their brilliant smiles matched one another’s, perfectly. John was so thankful for their friend group, and so happy to be a part of the family they’d built together.

It wasn’t until later that evening, after dinner when Alex and John were laying together on their couch, that he realized he’d never read Alex’s last letter.

“Oh that!” Alex laughed, his hands trailing up and down John’s back, the artist splayed over his chest and between his legs as they laid over their couch.” I’m sure I could find it somewhere in the backpack, but it doesn’t matter…”

“Of course it matters, Alex!” John said, aghast that his friend- boyfriend? Lover? What was he supposed to call him now? -would think as such.” You wrote out these beautiful letters! I want to read them, memorize them, and keep them forever! I want our future children to see them hung on the wall of our home and know-”

“And they say  _ I’m  _ the dramatic one!” Alex laughed, quieting the curly haired man with a stolen kiss.” John, the last letter doesn’t matter because the envelope was empty! It didn’t have a last letter in it, it was supposed to make you ask me what it meant!”

“And what does that mean?”

“Well, I wanted to put a small mirror in the envelope, sort of be more metaphorical you know?” Alex said waving a hand as he spoke.” But Laff and Thomas said that wasn’t romantic, and I had to say what I mean. You see, the most important thing I love, is  _ you _ , baby. I love you, more than my favorite leather journal, more than fresh ink pens, and even more than Cherry Garcia ice cream. And I can't put that into a letter, so you were supposed to ask me what the last thing I loved was, and I would say it was you." John snorted a bit at the cheesy answer, but he was grinning from ear to ear." The point of today was to prove to you how much I loved you, and to hopefully make us an official thing… because I want to be your Alexander for the rest of our lives.”

“Only if I get to be your Jack, for just as long,” John said, his eyes suddenly misty again. Alex nodded around a grin, and the two leaned up at the same time for another kiss. They kissed for a long moment, snow falling in the window of their living room, soft music playing on Alex’s MP3 player, and their hands tangled together on Alex’s chest. It was a beautiful moment, and they kissed for a long time before pulling away, though keeping close enough that their nose still touched.

“Now… tell me more about these future kids and the house we’ll have?”

“All in due time, dear boy, we have the rest of our lives to figure the details out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like someone to appreciate some of the amazing one liners that found their way into this chapter. Like seriously, the line from Thomas about Denial, Payback and Karma? I've said that for years, and it needs to be a bumper sticker. I hope everyone enjoyed! I tried to find as organic an ending as I could, which ended up being way over my normal page and word count, but I doubt you guys mind.
> 
> As I said, I may revisit this universe, especially if you guys have requests, or other prompts and couples you want me to write for. I have a few niggling ideas that won't leave me be, so who knows what could be next! Look forward to your comments, though!

**Author's Note:**

> Bit of a cliff hanger, sorry for that XD fair warning, bit of a slower burn on the Lams here, even if they are the main ship. Also I will KILL for some art of this random TV show I put way too much thought and world building into, you guys. like I want to go make this show happen, now. Sign me up, CW I'll write the hell outta those episodes!
> 
> anyway, it's like 12:30am here, and I work tomorrow, so sorry if there are typos or anything, but I need sleep. review please! I love comments and such c:


End file.
